Loose ends

Today I finally finished the flowers to put on Jeffrey's visiting spot. I think it turned out really pretty. A friend went with me to clean off all of the fresh flowers from the funeral. We covered the dirt with some loose hay we collected from the hardware store and laid the wreath on top, stood up the cross in front and surrounded it with the bows taken off of the fresh flowers. I think it looks nice. It doesn't exactly follow the cemetery code of not covering the length of the grave, but I figure since it isn't mowing season, it shouldn't matter for now. I light heartedly told my friend the hay was nice for if I decided I wanted to sprawl myself over the grave and have a good cry. I'm not sure what my next project will be. I have a couple in mind. I have never even begun his baby book. And I was thinking of making a quilt of some of his baby clothes. I am in no hurry to finish these things, they help keep me sane and I'm not sure what I will do with myself when they are done.

I have made it to the end of Job. I got confused a little. After all of the tormenting from Job's friends, I was convinced that he really had done something to deserve his tragedies. Isn't that just like us humans? God said right there in the first chapter, "Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?" and then all it takes is enough rambling half truths of people that don't know what they are talking about, that even claim to be speaking on God's behalf and we doubt Him. We doubt ourselves. "Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare, if thou hast understanding." Job 38:4 For two chapters God goes on about all that He has wonderfully created and wonders why Job has doubted  that He doesn't also have a plan in his pain. How wonderful it would be, how much better off am I, if I could just rest continuously in the fact that He has a plan for my life. That He has all of this under control. But it is a constant struggle. The flesh is so quick to doubt. The devil is so quick to jump on that with thoughts of despair. It really is a situation of deep despair... unless you have hope in an almighty Saviour who holds it all in His hands. Jeffrey is resting there now in his bosom and yet at the same time His arms are wrapped around me. And not just me, but every other person that cries out to Him in their time of need, no matter how big or small.  In the end Job repents, I assume for his ramblings and mistrust of God? His questioning and lack of faith in God's plan? Then God has him to pray for his friends forgiveness because God doesn't consider them worthy to pray for themselves because of their self-righteousness and lack of repentance. Then God blesses Job with ten children, three girls and seven boys just as he had before and two times all of his previous possessions. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5b His word says it so it must be true. There is surely hope of a brighter day. I expect I will never again have a son here on this earth, but God sent me His Son to die for my sin that I may see him again in heaven and if I never again receive a blessing from God that is surely enough!