Today is the second morning I have woken up without his sweet hands around my neck.

On Saturday night, I held him until he fell asleep, then a little longer just to enjoy the sweetness of him in my arms. I put him in his bed despite the temptation to just take him to bed with me. I went to bed also because he had been fussy and had a little fever and I thought it would be a long night. When I awakened at daylight without having heard him through the night, I just knew. I pictured his blue face as I was in the bathroom. I tried to push it aside. I got Shelby a drink and went to peep at him. I cracked the door and looked for his chest to rise and lower with breath. I couldn't see any movement. Still with sleepy blurry eyes, I tried to focus. Nothing. Shelby started down the hall. I took her back to busy her and  went into Jeffrey's room to check on him. I stood over his crib and reached my hand down to his right shoulder. He was face down cold and hard. I ran down the shrieking for my husband. "Jeff!!!, It's Jeffrey!!!" He jumped out of bed and ran to his room. He turned him over. It was the most awful sight I have and will ever see. My beloved son, the boy we had waited 14 years for after having three girls, the answer to so many prayers in so many ways, was blue and stiff and cold. He was not there. Just a shell he had once inhabited. I pray God will take that image from my head and replace it with one more lovely of his beautiful smile and happy blue eyes. Oh, my baby boy. I miss you so.