Saturday

The morning after the funeral. Still in a fog, wondering what now. Jeff needed his overalls mended...much needed something to do. God has just known all week what and who we needed and when. A dear friend, a kindred spirit, sent me a prayer early in the week that God would give us as many little gifts to open each day as grief. One I vividly remember is an unexpected friend walking through the door one morning. Her face made my day. Jeff went outside as I mended overalls. He shortly came back in in tears to hug me. He had said the night before that now that the funeral was over we could move on and he expected this day to be better. Unfortunately it just doesn't work that way. It just doesn't go away. I forsee bad days for the rest of our lives. Hopefully, they will become fewer and farther between. He struggle through the entire day. I was so worried about him. I looked out the window once and saw him helping a young boy up the ladder to go down the slide and my heart ached for him that would never be his son. For his only son, the one we waited 14 years for was gone. I wondered if this was hard for him or helpful. I didn't know whether to save him or let him be. I could not go take over. God bless him. Here we go. Trying to find a way. Left here in this world. Desiring to go to heaven too, but trying to get ourselves together to take care of the three beautiful girls that God has left us with. God help us.