I miss him :' (

 The five of us went to town today because the check engine light came on in the van. Nothing was wrong with it. I think it was just mourning it's missing passenger. It seems so big and empty without him in his little carseat. It was so quiet without him. There is such a big difference between 3 kids and 4 kids. Jeff and I would each get a baby out of the car. The girls would each be in charge of entertaining a baby in the car. While in town, I saw little boy clothes in all different sizes that I would never get to go shopping for and little boy toys he will never play with.  So, I've gotten through the anger, the questioning, the blaming. With God...all doable. I am just so stuck on missing him. I so badly want to hold him again. I want to watch him play. I want him and Shelby to get into some big mess. I want them to grow up together, fall out of trees and break their arms together, go to school together, stand up for eachother. I want to feel his big hugs. I want to hear his beautiful laugh, to see his big blue eyes. I want him to come lay on top of me while I'm trying to exercise. I want him to poke my cheek with his little finger and say MAA! when I'm not paying enough attention. I want him to laugh, I want him to cry. I want to brush his little teefers, sing "Jesus Loves Me" and lay him in his bed at night. I want to wake in the morning to his jibberings.  I just want him here in my arms. It's just not right!  There is such a huge hole in my heart. The house is so empty. My life is so empty. I want my Weffrey back!