Still fuming

So, Jeff and I went to a funeral this week for the first time since Jeffrey died. Jeff learned the importance of attending funerals through losing Jeffrey. I had learned a few years earlier when my mom died. I was nervous to attend, but wanted to be supportive since he had asked me to go with him. I did not know the deceased person at all which took some pressure off. Still, I wasn't sure what emotions would be stirred up. The answer is bitterness. I became fiercely bitter again about how Jeffrey's funeral went. The funeral we attended painted a beautiful picture of a man who lived nearly 80 years. Leaving the funeral, I felt I almost knew him. Three different preachers each gave a eulogy. Each one was different and either personal or well researched. I helped plan my mother's and my grandfather's funerals and remember the preacher coming to my grandmother's after each death and asking her personal things about them so that he could incorporate them into the sermon. This was not done for Jeffrey. I know he didn't have 80 years of stories to repeat, but he was a real, live loved human being! There was plenty of room to paint a lovely picture of him so that people who didn't have the chance to know him could have left feeling as if they had in a way met him that day. The order of services was not even discussed with us! In my mind it was supposed to go video, eulogy(which I wish I would have written), video, sermon, video. Instead the service was rushed through in a nervous manner as if everyone had to be out of church at a certain time to take some life saving medicine.  I am also still fuming about the 3 slide shows that were to be played. Not a one of them was shown. I spent countless hours trying to plan what would be my chance to say good bye and nothing went as I pictured. I asked the preacher the day before if I should come to the church to make sure they would work and I was told if they were on DVDs they would work. I don't know whether their system was not compatible or the person working didn't know what they were doing but I was indignant! I felt I was cheated out of giving my son a proper farewell, a final party to somehow compensate for the many celebrations I will never share with him. Also, I asked for blue and white flowers with brown ribbon and was upset by the addition of yellow which I did not care for. I will say the funeral home person who took care of us (after we were thankfully switched to a different person) was a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate man for whom I am thankful. I am also thankful for the many friends and family who helped plan for the catastrophe. The lesson to be learned here is even if you think you will not have to plan a funeral for years to come, it is a good idea to take some time to think about how you would like it to go (flowers, music, preacher,venue,etc.), observe what you like and don't like at funerals you attend,  make some notes (because you will not remember in your time of grief), and make sure to boldly tell people exactly what you want, because contrary to what you think, they are not looking out for what matters to you!