Forever wounded

I'm so worn down and drained from having this weight constantly looming over me. I just want to be a whole happy family again. Isn't the normal wear and tear of life enough without having to lose something so dear to my heart? Why does every decision I make have to be affected by this handicap I now have and whether or not it will worsen the wound. Oh, what I wouldn't do to have Jeffrey back, to have life right again. I can imagine what it is for a person to lose an arm or leg and have to learn to carry out daily tasks with it missing. I can imagine the pain, frustration, and anger that would invoke bursts of yelling. A very vital piece of my own self is gone, one there is no substitute for. That which does not kill you may make you stronger, but it will never make you whole again. I love you, Weffrey. I can't wait to hold you again. I wonder if it will be the same.