Happy Birthday!

Dear Jeffrey,

Happy Birthday! I remember the day you were born pretty clearly. I remember everyone looking at first to make sure you were really a boy after 3 girls. How happy and proud we were of you! Watching you grow was fun. I always thought boys and girls would be essentially the same until they were 2 or 3, but you surprised me from the beginning with you manly qualities. I remember for your first pictures at 6 weeks the photographer saying how manly you looked to be so young. You would have driven the ladies wild!  Before you could speak, you could make truck sounds as you played. You would dutifully push Shelby around in her stroller like such a gentleman and brother. I remember your face as you learned to defend yourself against Shelby and how you would look to me sternly to see if I would back you up. And then there comes a void. A lapse in time. And I wonder who you would be today. I wonder what words you would say, maybe even sentences. Would you be stubborn about potty training or would you love to pee off the porch? Would you love to play with the other boys your age? Would you be gentle with them? Or would you be a bully? Maybe a little of both. I had always wanted you to be a Momma's boy. Although, I looked forward to watching you bond with your dad and learn to carry on the legacy he had to leave you. I looked forward (with some apprehension) to you playing football or what ever other sports you liked. I wondered if you would be big for your age or small. You seemed to have a good head start to being big. You were such a perfect healthy boy. So sweet. So funny. I miss you so much. We all do. I miss that you aren't here to grow with Shelby. She is so lonesome without you. We all are. I often still try to make her be quiet in the mornings so she won't wake you or wonder around thinking I have another kid to dress, feed, bathe, or otherwise attend to. I don't think I will ever get used to you being gone. I know you are safe and secure in Jesus' arms. I love to think of the day I get to join you. The thought of seeing Jesus waiting for me at the gate with you in his arms makes me cry with joy every time. I can't wait for that day! I love you Jeffrey! So much! I would love so much to hold you in my arms just one more time. I know it wouldn't be enough though. It would never be enough. Don't worry, by the time you turn around to see where I am, I will be there too! You will never even miss me. I will be there soon. Sending BIG hugs and kisses. Goodnight handsome!