Dreams

I dreamed about Jeffrey last night. This is only the third or fourth time he has met me there. In my dream, I had just been out of town for a week and came to pick him up from the church nursery. (There is still that part of me that keeps waiting for it all to be a mistake.) He smiled when he saw me, but didn't really seem to know who I was. I picked him up and kissed his chubby little cheeks over and over and over. It was so real and so nice to feel his soft baby skin net to mine. I wonder if he has that soft baby skin in heaven. And I wonder almost daily if he will know me as his mother when I see him again. I know heaven is all about Jesus, the one who died to give me a way to get there, but surely he understands my longing for my little boy. Still, I feel guilty sometimes that my priorities seem to be messed up.



Heaven is the face of a little boy
With big blue eyes
Heaven is the place
Where he calls my name
Says, "Mommy, please come play with me for awhile"

God, I know, it's all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I'm aching for
God, you know, I just can't see beyond the door
So right now

Heaven is the sound of him breathing deep
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing
And Heaven is the weight of him in my arms
Being there to keep him safe from harm while he dreams

And God, I know, it's all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I'm longing for
God, you know, I just can't see beyond the door

Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with him gone
Heaven is the place where he takes my hand
And leads me to You
And we both run into Your arms

Oh God, I know, it's so much more than I can dream
It's far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know, I'm trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little boy

~ Excerpted and altered from Heaven is the Face by Steven Curtis Chapman