The Rest of the Story....

Post Script: After I finished this blog post, I went to my FB page and found a lengthy heartfelt note from another good friend who, you guessed it, I don't get to spend near as much time with as I'd like to. Then as I was taking the girls to a friends house to stay while I went to my Grief Share group, I couldn't help but tell all of this to my girls and assure them that there would be a time in their lives when they felt alone and helpless and there is Someone who will be there anytime of night or day who would absolutely love to be the one they turn to! He is just waiting on us. How much we hate to see our children in pain and want them to come to us for help. How much greater is God that He is also longing for us to ask Him, to realize He is the only answer to our every problem! How much more able is He to provide for our every need than we are for our children. We are human. We fail. He does NOT! Never, not once. We just have to choose Him! I could have so easily this morning picked up the phone, but no friend I could have called could have given me the day God did. I have spent so many days, well years, trying to do everything myself, thinking I was so competent. I am so thankful that I have been broken enough to realize how completely incompetent I am. He is the very air I draw into my body, the very water I drink and I hope that never goes away. Now that I've lost most of you and others that are still reading are thinking I am crazy let me reassure you that I am. After I got back in the van to drive to Grief Share, I turned up the radio to 101.1 KLRC and although I don't know many of the songs on there well enough to sing, I knew the one that was playing and began to sing along and God began to pour Himself into me. His presence came over me in a way that made me feel like my chest would explode and that if someone were to look over at me, my face would be glowing as if it had a light bulb inside of it and I felt as if I had lights shooting from the ends of my fingers. Then He began to speak into my soul so many things I can't even list them all, but to name a couple, He brought to mind my dear friend Sharla Vaughn who passed away shortly after Shelby was born. He brought to my mind of when I met Sharla and I was a really messed up teenager and she never seemed to notice, how she spoke God to me without ever once mentioning His name, and how she looked passed the mess I was in and saw me for who I was on the inside. I remembered her fondly for a minute and then God spoke "that is the way I see you too." Because Jesus died for me and because I have chosen to rest in Him, He only sees my heart. He knows my intentions even when my actions don't match up. He sees the mess I am in right now, and HE CARES! Then He brought back the night Jeffrey died and how when I put him to bed I always brushed his teeth and then walked into his room and held him close and swayed gently as I sang Jesus Loves Me to  him. But that night, I held him in my arms until his fever went down and he was sleeping and then laid him in his bed, no song. But that night, he didn't need me to tell him how much Jesus loved him,  because that night Jesus told him himself! And today, man did Jesus ever tell me the same thing. If you have never felt that overwhelming presence of God, I am so sorry. You are so missing out. But you can. God is not a God of rules and a strong arm. He is a God of love and grace and he has enough of it for every person He ever knit together in their mothers womb...plus two that He didn't. : ) All you have to do is believe in Him and then choose to rest in Him. Trust Him. Let Him take all the STUFF! We are so weak, even when we don't want to admit it, but He is so so Strong and he wants to take it all! All you have to do is ask. Then I say read the Bible and pray. Let Him tell you about Himself. He will tell everyone something different because He knows us well enough to know what we need. Sometimes the Bible can seem so boring and hard to understand, but if you just get in it, it is amazing what He will tell you both while you are reading and later by bringing it back to mind. I love my King James Bible, but I recommend a Living or New Living Translation when you are starting to read it. I recommend getting a Chronological Bible which had about 3-4 pages marked to read every day of the year or another one that has daily readings because it gives you somewhere to start every day and then you can go from there. But that gives you a habit and a place to start. The FBC of Elkins started that this year and I could have never known how it would impact my life. I am not any different from anyone reading this. I was not raised in a Christian home. I have made many tremendous mistakes in my life and continue to fail daily. The only way I may be different from you is that I have chosen Him every day, every moment I choose Him. Please don't wait until some tragedy in your life to choose Him. Learn from my tragedy. Experience that fullness in your chest and light beaming from your fingers. He will do it for you! I do realize I sound crazy and this is so out of my character, He just wants you to choose Him!